4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
i’m dominant in my daily life, and at times at home. It comes out when i’m over worked, upset, or stressed. All of my adult life has been spent being dominant, for the simple fact that i couldn’t trust anyone to lead.
i’ve thought about it a lot in the safety of these last 6 months, and have come to the hurtful realization, that no one has ever loved me.
Sure, i’ve been told “I love you”, and i’ve said it too, but the meat of the matter is that there was never any love. The relationships were built on what i could give to someone, and what they could take from me. i’ve spent my whole life taking care of people, and am known to bend over backwards for anyone i consider part of my pride. The partners in my life took that for granted and used me for sex, money, drugs, food, a place to sleep, a house keeper, a punching bag– and all i ever asked of any of them was to love me.
The ones that chased were absolutely no less than worthless. There was no love, only want and words.
Now, i am here.
Safe in Sir’s arms. He who daily defines love. He is the reason i am able, and willing to submit. i know he loves me for the strange, quirky little bitch i am. He is not interested in what i have, or what i can do for him. He doesn’t need a house keeper, or someone to use. He, like me, is just very happy to have someone that deserves love and loves him back. i look into his eyes, and want to submit. I don’t need or want to switch.
i’m quite happy with Sir being Sir, and me being a good girl.