Day 12- 30 Days

12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

i have to admit that i’m not glaringly familiar with financial submission. It’s not something Sir and i practice, because really there isn’t a need to. That being said, i know He will do whatever it takes to care for me, and that i would be safe in financial submission to him, like every other submission.

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Day 11 – 30 Days

11) Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Service is all encompassing. To me, service is the act of doing anything Sir requires, or would better His life. It can be putting His undergarments out before bed so He doesn’t have to look for them, cooking Him a good dinner, or asking Him nightly if i can please Him before we go to bed.

I also do service by taking care of myself, applying makeup so as to look more attractive to Him, to being polite and presentable in my day to day. Minding my manners and following the rules do us both service. I have daily opportunities of submission, and He gets to push and test and play with me, if He so chooses.

I think that service is a key element to my submission, and that its performance is one of the fastest ways to grow.

Day 10- 30 Days

10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

BDsM most definitely occurs for us. Discipline is something that is a cornerstone of the success of my submission. Without discipline, my growth is slowed. Bondage occurs only if i’ve been good (so far). Sir says punishment should be things i don’t like, that cause me to think, remember my transgression, and want not to do it again. Spanking me will not reach those ends. Depending on a personal definition of the “sM” part, we do have a D/s dynamic, but i am a submissive, not a slave. i still have the opportunity to make choices and decisions. There are also definite sadist and masochistic tendencies in our relationship, that vary from day to day.

Day 9 – 30 Days

9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

i both expect and accept structure and rules. i’ve always had a problem with self-control, as evidenced by my weight problem, and the chain smoking i did for a decade.

Rules and limits serve to create boundaries. i need structure to keep focused. i enjoy the rules i have because i know they’re created in my best interest. Sir wouldn’t make a rule that wasn’t meant to help me in my personal growth, or in my path to submission. i appreciate that his rules are created in his love and intentions for me, and i honor that love by respecting them.

Day 7 – 30 Days

7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

i expect discipline. In my life, Sir is a firm guide. His purpose is to steer me in the right direction, and keep me on course, as i have a terrible habit of becoming derailed (rather often). Knowing myself for all of almost 28 years, i am the first to say that i am hard headed, head strong, ornery and mean. i don’t listen very well, and i think that discipline is a great way to help cement those expectations and concepts that i just can’t get my head around. i don’t see punishment as something he does just for his own whim, but as another facet of his dominance, and a key to my submission, and therefore, further growth.

Day 6- 30 Days

6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

i suppose everything is probably somehow rooted in childhood. i learned to care for others as a matter of necessity, being that i had to learn to care for myself at a premature age.

i don’t view submission as a tool of domestic discipline, i view it as an ultimate gift. Something that can not be bought, that only i can give, and something that can only be given, not taken. To me, it is a gift in its truest of forms, because you can’t force true submission.

(i will also add that it is most definitely a sexual thrill!)

Day 5- 30 Days

5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

This is my first D/s relationship. Before it was really just a continuous power struggle, with hurting someone being the point and making someone feel like a shitty person was the ultimate prize. i personally struggled with the line between being thoughtful and allowing myself to be walked all over. my previous relationships have all eventually rendered out to the fact that the other person was using me in some way, and i allowed it to happen because i was neglectful of my self.

The relationship i have with Sir is different. He encourages me to better myself, and to do whatever it takes to make me happy. For instance he encouraged me to go back to college, and when i balked and made up excuses as to why i couldn’t go back, he just very simply said ‘Yes you can.” and then had the guts to call me out on making excuses. He backed off, waited, and two months later i was enrolled in nursing school ( i start in the fall! ).

He wants me to be happy, has proven that he wants the best for me, and that love doesn’t have to hurt. Knowing that now like i do, i am very comfortable in our D/s dynamic, because i know that he would never ask me to do something that would put me in danger. i can trust him to look out for me, and want to give him the rope ( 😛 ) to be able to control the stituation in a lot of aspects. i know that i have say in my life, but that Sir has the final word and that’s just fine with me because i know he’s worthy of that power.

Day 4- 30 Days

4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

i’m dominant in my daily life, and at times at home. It comes out when i’m over worked, upset, or stressed. All of my adult life has been spent being dominant, for the simple fact that i couldn’t trust anyone to lead.

i’ve thought about it a lot in the safety of these last 6 months, and have come to the hurtful realization, that no one has ever loved me.

Sure, i’ve been told “I love you”, and i’ve said it too, but the meat of the matter is that there was never any love. The relationships were built on what i could give to someone, and what they could take from me. i’ve spent my whole life taking care of people, and am known to bend over backwards for anyone i consider part of my pride. The partners in my life took that for granted and used me for sex, money, drugs, food, a place to sleep, a house keeper, a punching bag– and all i ever asked of any of them was to love me.

The ones that chased were absolutely no less than worthless. There was no love, only want and words.

Now, i am here.

Safe in Sir’s arms. He who daily defines love. He is the reason i am able, and willing to submit. i know he loves me for the strange, quirky little bitch i am. He is not interested in what i have, or what i can do for him. He doesn’t need a house keeper, or someone to use. He, like me, is just very happy to have someone that deserves love and loves him back. i look into his eyes, and want to submit. I don’t need or want to switch.

i’m quite happy with Sir being Sir, and me being a good girl.

Day 3- 30 Days

3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

The sheer comfort i get from looking out for and caring for Sir tells me i’m submissive. Frequently during a menial or boring task my mind wanders to him. To things we’ve done, nights we’ve spent, or one of a couple of my favorite sexual moments. i find joy in seeing the relief on his face when the dishes are done, or trash has been taken out, or the elation he has when he can find a pair of socks without digging. 😛 The smallest of deeds can bring the greatest of rewards, and if doing laundry or cooking a meal and bring Sir comfort, relaxation, or happiness, then there is no question as to why or if i’ll do it. i will.

With reguard to my favorite sexual moments, during each one, i was being dominated by Sir, without any doubt. One favorite is when we were fresh out of the shower, the morning after a long night of sex. i begged him to fuck me again, and he did. He grabbed my hips and hair, and i watched him over me, pushing into me, his eyes shut, just feeling my pussy. i could see how much he loved it, and me, and felt his force on me, and into the memory book it went. The fact that i still derive personal satisfaction from moments of submission to him, times when i was prone, tells me that i am submissive.

Not to mention the chains at the corners of the bed and my absolute love of them and Him are a dead ringer, i’d say.