Day 24 – 30 Days

24) What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

i’m not sure i know the answer to this one either. i suppose arousal is a gateway to submission, but i’m not sure that arousal is an emotion. i really have no idea how to answer this one.

Day 23 – 30 Days

23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

i suppose the entire idea of submission is repellent in a way to me, which is one of the reasons i find it so attractive. i am very dominant in my daily life, so truthfully the idea of submitting is both gutwrenching and titillating. At times i feel shamed by the lack of power i have, but i have to remind myself that the lack of power is because i willing choose to give it, and in that rite of giving over control, i am empowering myself to explore the strange feminine creature that is locked away when i am guarded, as i have to be out in the real world. my submission brings us closer, and i trust Him with myself, my body and mind, and each day he Dominates me, cares for me, and honors me with His protection and attention, we grow closer. Each day we build a little more trust and faith in one another. It makes the fear worth it.

Day 22 – 30 Days

22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

i’m not sure how to answer that at all. i’m going to say no.

my submission is not expressed without Sir’s Dominant side. When He’s not around, i am no less than the antithesis of submissive.

Day 21 – 30 Days

21) Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Knees.

Without a doubt. Being on my knees.

i feel submissive sitting on the floor at His feet, and often i’ll go sit on the floor at His feet to watch tv or ask for attention. Looking down at me, watching His cock rise because i’m so close to it– i love being on my knees to suck His cock because i can watch Him watching me– i love being on my knees, face down, ass up while He pounds me, feeling Him press down and into me, enjoying me–

lovely.

Day 20- 30 Days

20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

i think it’s really too early to address that issue. i say that because i don’t think we’ve even scratched the surface of what my submission is, or to what level it potentially will reach. We’ve hit a couple snags, and in that time my submission decreased, but given the appropriate time to recover, i am looking forward to increased submission.

Day 19 – 30 Days

19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

We aren’t very socially connected in submission. To be fair, We aren’t very socially connected in our daily lives. We have no interest in going to gatherings, or sharing. We are quite happy to be monogamous, and to explore and define what this dynamic means to us. That being said, the insights of commentors on favorite BDsM websites have been tremendously helpful to me.

Day 18 – 30 Days

18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

i am potentially one of the shittiest communicators on the planet. i have trouble telling Sir just about anything about how i feel. As a matter of point, i lost my temper with myself yesterday, took it out on him, stormed off to take an angry bath. He came in, and attempted to diffuse the situation. To edge in and figure out why i lost my shit. i couldn’t clearly say, and i think when he realized it, he chose to leave me be to think about it.

In comes the journal. One of the things i repeatedly get in trouble for is not writing in my journal. To be honest, i’m not one for writing anything contrived, and i’m not good at just making BS up to write. i’d write one or two lines and that was it. Until last night.

Last night, when i was angry at myself and had taken it out on Him and was just feeling a right fucking fool, i took my journal to the bed, and wrote down just exactly what the hell was going on in my head. When i had finished, i felt so much better. i came to him, and apologized. Now i understand the importance and the power of the journal. It is a means of communication for me that i don’t have the ability to do at that level verbally.

i’m not sure what communication means for us, as i’m terrible at it. All i know right now is that it is extremely important and one of the biggest skills i need to improve on.

Day 17 – 30 Days

17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is the crux of submission. Without trust, there is no way i, nor anyone else, could safely and wholly choose to submit. Trust is the hand hold i have that tells me that i am safe in potentially dangerous situations. It is what would keep me from panicing when bound, or having air restricted. Trust is the basis of all play, and the foundation of a healthy relationship. Trust is key and without it, nothing works.

Day 16- 30 Days

16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

i have not been involved in a D/s relationship with anyone else before.

Day 15- 30 Days

15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

It is slowly evolving. When We first started it was quite difficult for me to talk about what i wanted or thought i needed. He has been very supportive in all aspects, allowing me much (perhaps too much) leash. He’s not pushed issues with me, and has been sensitive to my emotional needs and wellbeing. Recently our agreement has fallen to the side due to a slightly horrible and largely weird last couple of weeks. We are back in the saddles again however, and i think that given due time and diligence, We will continue to grow closer to one another and fall further into our roles.